See What I Did There?

ANNOUNCER: “SEE WHAT I DID THERE?” presents “Who Writes This Crapola?”, a whodunit word play starring  DINO, DION, and ODIN.

NOID: [clears throat] And what am I, chopped liver?

ANNCR: Sorry! Also Introducing a special mystery guest: NOID!

DINO: Introducing? More like “bringing up the rear.” 

ODIN: Please! There are pleasant children.

NOID: I think you mean “children present.”

DINO: Or did you think “Bringing up the rear” meant “elevating the butt”?

ODIN: It doesn’t? No, I was merely pointing out the redundancy in your syntax.

DINO The whatsit in my whoozis?

ODIN: Don’t play dumb, Dino. It suits you. [Singing a la Dean Martin to the tune of “That’s Amore”] When two words mean the same, and they both share a claim, that’s redundant.  

NOID: [echoing] That’s superfluous!

ODIN:Wait. Dino, you did know that “Bringing up” and “rearing” have the same meaning, right?

, 

DINO: Amigo, you are playing your syntax with a tin sax.  I was referring to a horse bringing up its front legs when it rears.

DION In other words, you rear the foal so she won’t fear the role. Right?

NOID: Exactly. Who said that? 

DION:  Rev. Spoonful? No ID.  

DINO: Speaking of misspeaking, you know what really irritates me? 

NOID: No ID! People who make you guess the answer to unknowable questions?

DINO: No, people who keep pronouncing my name wrong. It’s supposed to rhyme with vino, not rhino.

DION: Whoa! Hearing that would totally, like, suck. I mean, who could even stoop that low?

DINO: Right?

NOID: Hey! Whaddya call a rhino who drinks too much vino? 

DINO: A wino, obviously. 

ODIN: I got this! Try Sirah-tops! Oh, yeah. See what I did there? Sirah wine and Triceratops, the dino-rhino! [ODIN slaps five with himself] Who’s the god here? Who’s the god, baby? 

NOID: Actually, wrong. You call him horny. 

ODIN: What?That’s not even funny.

DINO: Like the fella said nine lines ago, my name’s Dino, as in Dean Martin, born Dino Crocetti in Stubenville, Ohio, 1917. And if you’re going to croon, at least get the words right [croons] ”When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore…”

NOID: [nasal accent] Dean absolutely hated that song.

DINO: Hang on. Are you supposed to be—

NOID: Jerry Lewis? I get that a lot. Mostly I’m the Nerd, which Jerry, being a Newark kid,  would pronounce NOID.

ODIN: So the two of you make one PAIR O’ NOID! See what I did? “Make one paranoid?”  Oh, yes, Odin is in the building!

NOID: Not even funny.

DION: Wait, I know this guy.  He’s Fred Flintstone’s pet dinosaur, ODD ‘UN!

ODIN:Poltroon! Know you are in the presence of Odin, the most powerful of the Norse gods!

NOID: Never hoid of him.

DION: Yeh, must be in Norse Code.

ODIN: Feel my wrath, fools!

DINO: Chill, Uncle Bill. Today’s Thor’s day. According to  Magic & Mayhem, you’re powerless till next Wodinsday. 

ODIN: Frigga! You’re rightl

DION …And no help from your wife. Frigga’s day is on Friday.

DINO: Dion! We missed you, son! Where’ve you been wandering? 

DION: [singing part of “The Wanderer;] 

There’s Flo on my left and Mary on my right

And Janie is the girl I’ll be with tonight

And when she asks me which I love the best

I tear open my shirt I got Rosie on my chest

‘Cause I’m the wanderer yeah the wanderer

I roam around around around…

NOID: Someone might want to tell Dion about the Me Too Movement.

DION: Hey, you must be Noid.

NOID: You have no idea.

DION: Anyway, I’m totally paid up, man. Ever heard of Run-Around Sue?

ODIN: What runs around goes around. Like that game kids play in swimming pools. 

NOID: Marco—

DINO: Polo!

ODIN: Goood guess.. I was thinking of a different one:‘INDO…’

NOID: …European!?

.

ODIN: Really! You’re a-peein’ indo’? I woudn’t have guessed

DINO: Can’t believe you fell for that one, Floyd

NOID: I just read the script. Who writes this crapola anyway?

ODIN: It must be the Pun-isher. Doncha think?

DINO: Kinda has to be.

NOID:You mean the Announcer?

ODIN: Who else?He’s not getting any Balder So he must be the trickster,  Loki.  

ANNCR: I nod. Of course. The lowest key, dude. They don’t get any lower!

DINO:[crooning] Everybody loves somebody sometime…

DION: Everybody falls in love somehow!

DION: [The two singers somehow morph Dino’s song into the doo-wop  opening of Run-around Sue…]

ANNCR. How do they do that? Well, anyway, check out our podcast for more episodes of Who Writes this Crapola?

This has been your announcer, Loki, rhymes with Karaoke,  aka the Trickster, aka the Punisher, aka the solution to the identity of who writes this crapola, wishing you a fond adieu. Bidding! We should definitely go with “bidding you a fond adieu.” Doncha think?